On Tuesday Adam left for yet another three day TDY. No problem, right? He was going to fly back in late, late Thursday night so that he could be sure he was home for Isaac's graduation from preschool. Right...you noticed I said "was". Wednesday, lunchtime, he called. He sounded terrible on the phone. "Honey, I have some really bad news....", he gravely said. I thought for sure that someone was dead, hurt, or deathly ill/damaged. I couldn't figure out how anyone would have found him before they found me, to get out the news. The "really bad news" was that he wasn't coming home on Thursday, he's coming home NEXT Friday. That's right, a week from today. It was bad news. But at least no one was hurt/dead.
The biggest issue was that Isaac's graduation was today. I felt like it was VERY important for everyone to be there and cheer him on. I know that it is *only* pre-k graduation, but still, it is a big transition. I was feeling very sad about the whole sitaution, knowing that I would have to tell Isaac that Daddy wasn't going to be there. Plus, I was dissapointed. *I* wanted Dadam to be there. *I* wanted to be together. I sat down with Isaac and told him that Daddy wasn't going to be able to be home for his graduation. Isaac said "That's okay. You can tape me with the videocamera, then when he's home we can hook it up to the TV and he can see me on there." And he really has been okay with it.
I'm feeling a little emotionally raw about the whole thing though. I miss Adam, damnit. We talked about why this extention happened (emergency at work, good face time w/person who will be involved with promotion to Lt.Col next year) and I totally get it. I know why he had to stay. But....yeah, but....we've given up so much for this job. I feel like I've been paying it forward for quite a while now and I'm deeply, selfishly, tired of it. Plus, Isaac is done with preschool. He's going to kindergarten. Where has the time gone? Where is my baby? I'm not ready for this - though he clearly, undeniably, is beyond ready. I want to cry, but there's no time. And no one to listen or hold me while I do it. There's no OtherParent to give me a little space to step back and remember, crying bittersweet tears. EveryParent has to be on duty....no time for all this whining and self-pity....back to work...back to Life....back to loving up my littles who will be Big in no time at all.