Lately there have been some occasions where Dadam and I needed to be someplace, either together or separately, and we couldn't take the kids. This has led to a sort of uncomfortable feeling for me. It's not that the people we were leaving the kiddos with are irresponsible or untrustworthy. I have never been worried about how they are being taken care of. I know that they will be safe and warm and fed. I know that they are okay.
But I still feel an intense amount of guilt. I'm not there to see exactly what is going on. I'm not there to talk to them, kiss them and make sure that they are taken care of exactly the way that I would take care of them. I'm not there to talk to them or play with them or, or, or.....
I didn't leave Elie with anyone but family until she went to school at 2 and a half. Even after that I was uncomfortable with leaving her. And so I very rarely chose to leave the kids with anyone other than Dadam for a really, really long time.
Now Dadam and I are in a situation where we are regularly having appointments that we have to be at together. It's not a great situation, but I feel as though its necessary for our marital, and by extension our familial, health. And so we end up needing to leave our children with friends.
I hope they don't remember that they were there because Mommy and Daddy HAD to leave them. I hope they remember having fun and being together with friends. I am thankful for knowing that my children are surrounded by parents who love them very much and friends and family who do as well. And I hope that these sort of situations, where I HAVE to leave them, don't come up very often much more.