There's so much stuff swirling and whirling around my life right now. I'm finding it difficult to sort through and be productive. Somewhere in me, a little voice is screaming "hold still, do nothing, if you aren't moving the trouble will stop." But the rest of me knows that I've got to keep moving forward, quitting ain't the way to go.
Some of the worriment is short term hassle like the fact that I spent most of yesterday morning attempting to get a doctors appointment for my children who were covered in a strange rash. We ended up getting in and his diagnoses was just viral. But today, Isaac and Talia and Elie were all complaining mightily of sore throats. Isaac didn't even want to eat his dinner and is now moaning in bed. We'll just have to see how he is tomorrow, but barring a miraculous healing, my guess is we'll be back at the GP in the morning.
More short term hassle stuff includes the fact that Dadam is in Virginia until February, I've got some projects that *need* finishing (like our "holiday" newsletter/photo card - more like Happy Groundhog Day cards and some special projects cum gifts), and that the weather here has turned to icy/slushy/yuckyness.
Alright, I can deal...take a deep breath and just keep moving.
Then there are the bigger issues. I checked again with the Nursery about getting Noodle a space in and they called back yesterday to say that she can go three days a week, mornings only mind you. Yay! Sadness.... Yay! Sadness.... I just don't know what/how to feel. She desperately needs more interaction with her peers. She is.so.ready. She is ecstatic that she is going. She talks about it constantly. I will have three mornings a week all.to.my.self. What the hell am I going to do with all that time? It sort of leaves me sad and empty. I love her. I love her voice and the way she talks. I love her observations. And she's the last one. There are no more babies, no more two year olds, and I'm not sure that I'm ready to be alone. Then the rational side of me kicks in and asks "Do you *want* her to ACT like the baby? She is ready and letting her go to school allows her to be a *big girl*!" (her words, not mine)
Damn this bittersweet life.
And the last, possibly biggest, lump in my road right now is just that: a lump. My remaining half of thyroid is growing something. What it is, we do not know. I have had a biopsy and it was inconclusive. It seems that it would be a prudent course of action to have surgery and get it removed. Profane words. This surgery I will have to stay at least one overnight. How to balance GranEde and GranDude's schedule with the children's schedule and Dadam's schedule?!?!? How to get the whole freakin' thing scheduled without directly telling the kiddos yet because they are under a bit of stress already with Dadam being gone for so long? How to deal with the fact that it is probable that my cancer is not gone, that it is still growing inside me? And cancer kills people!
Of course, cars and airplanes and breathing kills people....perspective is important.
If you are still here with me, through all my muddle, let's take a moment and focus on the sweetest parts of my life.
Leila calls her forehead her "head-first." Probably because I use the phrase "head-first" all.the.time. She also says "abwadawaga" instead of abracadabra.
Talia has gotten so good at reading. And she amazes me with her insightful, random questions.
Isaac had a brief run in with the kitchen cabinet and gave himself his first black eye, as well as two amazing eyelid scratches and an under eye scratch. We think the cabinet may have won that round; we aren't advocating a rematch.
Elie is having a hard time because some girls are making up scary stories about child-snatchers at school. She is very disturbed by these "reports" and is having trouble just ignoring them.
Right, life goes on. Happily and unhappily, the World isn't going to stop.