When Isaac was five months old, I found a lump in my neck. My midwife felt it and told me it was my thyroid. I went in and got it checked out. Fast-forward through unnecessarily boring medical procedures and we decided it needed to be removed. I only wanted the half that was growing stuff taken out. We knew we wanted to have more babies and I did not really want to have to mess around with getting my thyroid levels balanced in order to do that. So we left half in. After the left half was taken out, the pathology reported that it was cancer. Bah. But because the other half had no growths we decided to just leave it alone.
Time passed. I became hypothyroid and started up on thyroid medicine. Enough time went by that I was considered to be in remission. It was sort of a weird declaration because I never really thought of myself as having cancer; having cancer requires strength and sacrifice, having cancer means you've faced your own mortality and come away a stronger person, having cancer is a struggle and a marathon. I had simply gone in for surgery and been able to go back home to my beautiful children the same day.
Now though, the remaining half of my thyroid is growing something. Thanks to modern technology and the knowledge that these sort of things require frequent monitoring, we've caught whatever it is very early. Tomorrow I'm going in for surgery to remove the remaining half. If it is cancer, I'll have to do a round of radioactive iodine. And if it isn't we'll just keep on keeping on.
I'm not so bothered by the surgery. The surgeon will cut open my neck and take the thing out. I have to stay overnight for monitoring and, god willing, I'll be home again on Thursday. Meh.
What really worries me are my babies. GranDude made the trek over here to be an extra adult and that has eased my mind somewhat. But I am very worried about them missing me tomorrow night and being afraid because I am in the hospital. I love them so much and the thought that something bizzare and strange could potentially happen and take me away from them is really hard to deal with.
I also know that not taking care of this problem will potentially lead to much more certain harm and long-term anguish. Bah.
They will be okay. I'll be okay. We'll get through this together. But sometimes, I just wish it could be simple.